Petunia
by mymarlena
Summary: Before you judge her, walk a mile in her shoes. Because nobody understood her. Nobody tried to. Maybe if they had, they would have seen that it ran so much deeper than just envy. Oneshot.


**Warning: Spoilers from Pottermore included. Read at your own risk. **

**Everything belongs to JK Rowling.**

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><p>She gets a letter. You watch. She tears it open. She reads. Her eyes scan the page, alight with confusion, wonder, disbelief.<p>

"What?" you ask. She shakes her head, and keeps reading. Your mother and father peer in too, wondering what is going on. You frown at her, a small smile on your lips. She's still reading, her eyes darting back and forth across the page. Her red hair curtains her face. Her mouth drops. She goes to the top again, and keeps reading. You lean forward. "What? What is it?" you ask again eagerly. Maybe it was an invitation, to a ball. Like Cinderella. Maybe you would go and meet your princes. Your mind runs away until a few minutes later when Lily hands you the letter, pale and confused. Your eyes scan it.

Your stomach drops to the floor. You can't breathe. You read it, again and again and again and again. You can't believe it. No, it can't be. This is what her weird... things were? The way she could move things, make things combust, fall apart, levitate? This? That Snape boy wasn't lying.

"What is this?" you ask, your voice barely a whisper. Maybe it's a joke. She doesn't say anything. She looks scared. As scared as your parents, as they watch you. With shaking hands, you hand it to your parents and sprint to your room. You collapse on the bed, sobbing.

It's an invitation, alright. But it's not to a ball. And you're not Cinderella. You're the ugly step-sister.

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><p>She goes. You can't stop crying. It should have been you. She's on the grand train that begs you to step on it. Everybody's smiling. You're not sure why; you haven't been able to feel anything recently. It didn't seem real when she was packing, showing off her wand, her books, her robes. You read every one tearfully. You can't help but wonder why it wasn't you. But of course you knew the answer; Lily was perfect, and you were just you.<p>

You remember getting the letter from Dumbledore, being patronisingly kind. Had you ever cried so much?

The Snape boy greets Lily and gives you a glare. You can't stop crying enough to give him one back. Lily boards the train, hurt etched on her face from the words you spat at her. You don't regret them. You meant them. She was a freak, you were better off without her. Your mother and father wave proudly. They're so happy. So happy they got at least one daughter they could be proud of.

You turn around and head through the block, wincing as you do so. You don't tell your parents, but you know they won't care. Like somebody has pressed the mute button, everything is silent as you come out the other side. Everybody is normal here; no more surprises. Everybody here is like you. But your stomach still hurts and you can't stop crying and thinking about Lily. About magic. About why it couldn't have been you.

You run out of the station and throw up in the bushes outside.

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><p>You watch Lily grow in letters. She's in this great castle. Meeting magical people, flirting with magical boys, sorted into magical houses. You're stuck here with plain people and plain boys and plain houses named after presidents nobody remembers. She's having so much fun, being weird. She tells you all about it in her letters. She has great teachers, she knows so many spells. Everything there is just perfect. Spells? Potions? It all sounds so surreal. So weird. You finish the letters and can't help thinking about why it had to be Lily. Why you couldn't have a win. Tears pour down your face, the way they always do when you get a letter. You run to the bathroom and throw up. At least now, you know why your stomach hurts so much.<p>

Your parents glow with pride. When she's at Hogwarts, they rave about her. They don't mention magic, they just talk about how great she's doing at her boarding school. How much fun she's having, how smart she is, how perfect she is. How proud they are of her. When she's here, they dote on her. She doesn't have to lift a finger. She shows you her wand, tells you about all the students and teachers and classes. You know she can hear you cry yourself to sleep at night. But she says nothing.

Your parents don't look at you when she's here. They don't look at you when they're gone. You come home late at night, doing whatever you want, and they don't notice. But if Lily is out of bed for a moment, even if she's just downstairs, they think she's gone. They panic. They care about her. Because she's Lily and you're you.

Your parents don't care, because you're not magical. Every boy you get close to ends up falling for Lily when they meet her. She steals their hearts and leaves. And they don't look at you any more. Your friends... well, what friends? As soon as they see Lily, they're hypnotised. They want to know everything. Even your best friend Sara. As soon as you told her about your sister, about her magic, suddenly it was the Lily show again.

Suddenly nobody cares about you, all over again. Because you're not Lily. You're not magic. When will you finally learn?

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><p>You graduate, but your parents aren't there to see it. They're watching Lily's. Of course, you hadn't expected anything different.<p>

You surround yourself in the ordinary. Because you want to be as far away from her as possible, physically and emotionally. She'll never be ordinary, you may as well embrace it. It's the only comfort you have. They only thing you can achieve that she can't. It's an escape. When you're sitting at your desk, typing, you're not Lily. Because Lily doesn't know how to type. You're not competing with Lily. Nobody knows Lily. Everybody here is just like you. Hogwarts doesn't exist, everything you want isn't hers. People see you here.

And then you meet him. He sees you, better than anybody here. He actually sees you. He smiles at you. He's so ordinary. So perfectly normal. So far from anything near Lily. You feel like flying as he takes you out. He talks a lot, about everything. You listen to every word. Because it's not about Lily.

He's so brave and witty. Everything you could ask for. He talks about his school, his family, his parents, his world. You want to be a part of it. It's so normal. Nothing like yours and everything you wants. If you can't be like Lily, you can be the opposite.

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><p>Lily writes. You don't read anymore. She's met somebody wonderful. You don't care. You've stopped throwing up since you met him. Your stomach doesn't hurt anymore. He filled that emptiness. You're almost okay again.<p>

And maybe one day, he'll get down on one knee and make you okay forever.

But there's the problem. The problem of Lily. Vernon has opinions, and strong ones at that. Vernon was apt to despise even people who wore brown shoes with black suits. What would he think of Lily? Suddenly it isn't jealousy that makes you hate Lily - it's shame. She's going to ruin the only good thing in your life, all over again. You feel sick, like you used to. He has to find out though, especially as you become more and more serious.

And it all comes out during that one date, as you sit in his car, feeling so perfectly normal. He's eating a battered sausage, talking to you softly, kindly. You dissolve at his words. He's telling you about his fifth cousin who once rode a unicycle, how absolutely outrageous it was. And then you can't hold it any more. You begin to explain. He listens. And listens. And listens. And then you're crying, no, sobbing. He's comforting you. One hand on your shoulder, the other holding the sausage. He listens with the disgust and hatred you feel. You can't help it, you start to laugh through your tears. He understands. He's on your level. You're not alone anymore. He sees you.

"I swear," he says to you, "I'll never hold this against you. You're not like Lily, Petunia. You're nothing like her. You're so much better."

The relief swells in your heart and you throw yourself at him with such gratitude that he drops his sausage. You kiss him so passionately, you can't tell whose lips are whose. You feel almost whole, there in his arms, you feel okay. You're going to be okay. And now you're sure that this is the man you want to spend forever with.

You dream. You drop hints. And then one day, while you drink tea with your mother and Vernon, your mother is talking. She doesn't show any interest in Vernon; he's not magic. He's not Lily's boyfriend, so he doesn't matter. You're disgusted. But that starts to fade away when you see Vernon put his tea down and stand up. He straightens his tie and struggles down on one knee. You're shocked. You can't think. You can't breath. You feel so light. You put your tea down and watch him with awe as he stares right at you. You're the only person he sees as he pulls out a ring. You're the only person that matters. Lily is irrelevant. As his lips move to form the question, your answer comes to yours.

"Yes!" You cry and throw your arms around him. You've never felt so perfect.

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><p>It's a perfectly normal wedding. Lily isn't happy about being there. You haven't spoken to her since a double date with James gone awry. James had been cruel, heartless, insensitive. Rubbing in your faces everything they were. The freaks they were. They were disgusting. Suddenly, you remember why you hate Lily. Why you hate magic. The evening ended with you and Vernon storming out angrily and Lily in tears.<p>

Lily had asked to be bridesmaid, but you say no. You hadn't even wanted to invite them. Your mother had made you. But if you had to invite them, you didn't have to involve them. This is the one night everybody looks at you. You were not going to be overshadowed again. And you're not; all eyes are on you as you walk down the isle. A vision in white. You feel perfect, the way he looks at you, the way everybody looks at you. Everything is so perfectly normal. It's all about you.

This time, you get to be Cinderella.

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><p><strong>I've always gotten mad when I hear people say they hate Petunia. To me, she's one of the strongest characters in the books. She's awful, she's cruel, but she's strong. I mean, if I was her and my sister was magic and I had to stay behind, I would have killed myself, I think. I wouldn't face that. She even took in Lily's child. Treated him badly, yes, but somehow she did something right, because look how he turned out? (I always thought that was a flaw in JK Rowling's writing actually - psychologically, a child with an upbringing like that would not turn out as polite and good as Harry did. Children from abusive homes usually become abusive themselves. So I don't really understand it, but what can you do). <strong>

**A lot of this is from Pottermore, sorry.**

**I don't like JK Rowling's view of the Dursley's. She really doesn't like them. She created them but she didn't understand Petunia. Petunia saught out normal because her childhood was anything but. There's nothing wrong with normality. If you were Petunia, you would be the same.**

**This is just how I saw Petunia. I like her. I don't like Vernon but I like Petunia and I wanted to write about them. Maybe it changed someone's opinion on them. Haha, I doubt it. I just wanted people to hear what I had to say, and why I like Petunia :)**

**xx Julia.**


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